On Beneficial Friendships

Do you have the right friends? + A quick guide to forming friendships.

Assalamu alaikum warahmatuLlah.

I hope this meets you in a good state of health & eeman.

Today’s topic is one that I've been thinking about a lot these past few days and I’m excited to write to you.

Who is a friend?

Who is a friend?

These days we call everyone we know our friends but are they REALLY friends or acquaintances ?

According to BetterHelp,

A friend is someone that you share close affection with. You share some common beliefs and values with friends. Friends can be in person or online, your next door neighbor friend or a friend 1,000 miles away.

Who is a righteous friend?

As Muslims, we know that we don't just need friends but we need righteous friends.

Why? You may be wondering.

On this path of aspiring for Jannah in the dunya, we need people who are like us, who share our values and beliefs.

So who is a righteous friend?

According to IslamQA,

The righteous friend is the righteous person who is obedient to his Lord, adheres to the teachings of his religion, is keen to please Allah, hastens on the basis of faith to do all good deeds, turns away out of fear of Allah from all evil deeds, loves the Sunnah and those who follow it, takes people as friends for the sake of Allah, opposes (the enemies of Allah) for the sake of Allah, resents sin and its people, fears Allah, is pure hearted and righteous, is not boastful, and has no rancour or envy in his heart.

The righteous friend reminds you of your Lord whenever you become heedless of His remembrance; he helps you and joins you when you are remembering your Lord.

The importance of righteous friends can NOT be overstated!

These are friends who are your companions on your quest for seeking knowledge, your supporters when your soul is weary, your confidants when you need beneficial advice, your cheerleaders when you're doing well, people to draw inspiration from to be better, people you compete with to perform goodness, people who pray for you in the depth of the nights, people who love for you what they love for themselves.

These are the kind of people who should be your tribe.

You might not have these kind of people around you (Trust me, I can relate. I struggled with this for the longest time)

But the beautiful thing is that the internet exists & you can find these kind of people on there.

So how do you find these people & how do you form beneficial friendships with them?

A Quick Guide to Forming Beneficial Friendships.

We'll be looking at this in two ways;

• online

• physically.

First of all, ask yourself this: where can I find these people?

Online-

My thoughts: You have to be very careful here. For me, the best places to find these people have been Twitter, Instagram, Clubhouse and some beneficial Facebook,WhatsApp and Telegram groups/communities.

Physically -

My thoughts: You find them at halqahs, the masjids, Muslim events etc. You have to go out. You definitely won't find them on your bed 🌚

Secondly, how do I approach them?

Online -

My thoughts: Interact with them genuinely. Compliment them & make dua for them. Don't be a pest. Don't just send a message saying “Assalamu alaikum” and expect them to respond. Send well-thought out messages on the topics of similar interests to them. A good topic is the deen. Talk about Islam, ask questions that'll drive the conversation forward.

Physically -

My thoughts: Try to take part in some collective activities you see them doing them. Exchange salam. Reach out to them on common interests. Be of value to them.

•

All in all, don't be obnoxious and don't try to “force” the friendships.

Be the kind of friend you want to have. Fix up yourself and your attitude towards your deen. Learn & embody the characteristics of the type of friends you want to have.

When you do this, those friends will find you, bi'idniLlah.

Most importantly- Make dua. Ask Allah to make you a righteous person and to bless you with beneficial friendships. If you want to be more specific, ask Allah to make XYZ your friends. Ask Him to put love and affection between you and them.

This is a quick & short guide and I sincerely hope it is of benefit.

It used to be said: Do not befriend anyone but one who, if you befriend him, will enhance you; if you are burdened with something, he will help you; if he sees a shortcoming in you, he will make it up for you; if he sees something good from you, he will keep it in mind; if you ask of him, he will give to you; if you refrain from asking of him, he will offer you (his help); if he blames you for something, he will not desert you; and if you keep your distance from him, he will not abandon you.

Taareekh Diimashq (68/236)

May Allah make us righteous friends and may He subhanahu wa t'ala bless us with beneficial friendships. Allahumma Aameen.

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Your sister in faith,

Nusaybah.

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